just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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