Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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