let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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