"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
