Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
