Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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