Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize