Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
