I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
