I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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