i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
