My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This is my gift to your gina
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
