I have demons in me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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