can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
