i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
nutella sex= disaster
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
In other news, I just burned my penis
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
