Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize