3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
