My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
