Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
