guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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