Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
