Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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