Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
