dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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