she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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