His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
