the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
