GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize