this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
