Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
