i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
