so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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