I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
