Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
