Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
