I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
