i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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