I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
