If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
