therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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