dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
