No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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