How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
