i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize