TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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