were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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