Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
