I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
