I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
