ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he puts the penis in happiness.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
