Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
His nipple licking is glorious
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