You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
