Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
