drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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