Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize