I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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