They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize