yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
