I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
how drunk are you?
Several
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
