I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
