I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize