Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
