The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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