well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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