Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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