We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
