he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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