I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think I won the penis lottery.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
