just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
