Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
