I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
