Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
