it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
