Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
