Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
