Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
