Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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