I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
